upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
