Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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