Having a random hookup so left but love u
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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