I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
