You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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