i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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