Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
