I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
