I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
