so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
