A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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