I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
