I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
