You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think my moral compass just broke
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