Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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