I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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