I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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