So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
