i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
