I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
