Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
