my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love having hate sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
