I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
