Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
