just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
