Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
