Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
