Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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