The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
