he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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