I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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