he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bring me that man meat
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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