I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
