Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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