I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
