do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
this hospital has no fireball
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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