you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
