can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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