I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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