You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize