he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize