She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
