Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
