We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
