Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
