Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
