just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
