Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
