ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
