Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
