peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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