Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
