Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have to summon your inner elephant
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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