you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize