i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
