Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
