DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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