Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
