she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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