I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
