I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
