I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
