This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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