so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
