I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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