Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
