i think my tv is drunk
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
