im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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