well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize