And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
