I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
