he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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