chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize