Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
