On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
