Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
