I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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