I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
