I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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