when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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