so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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