you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
