WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
