highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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