Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Actions speak louder than pants.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
