Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
