I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize